The Ironic but Bliss Feeling of Zen

Photo credit to babies by bazal

I was just sitting here and recalled some of the negative comments (remarks/excuses/whatever you want to call it) that people have expressed towards me since the beginning of my journey with Giovanni. I'll be honest, I do get a lot of support and positive vibes from people, but I also get several negative vibes and I think people underestimate what we go through, so I wanted to share a few of them with you. Some of you will not see these as hurtful because you probably aren't in our shoes and probably never will be. Weeeeeelll welcome to my world! I must say, I've grown a very thick skin these past few years so I brush the dirt off my shoulders quite well. :) Here goes:

From a Doctor, "You should have another child, so you experience motherhood properly and nicely, what you are experiencing right now is not motherhood"

 

From a Christian and active church member of some church I won't mention, "No wonder she had such a child, the person herself is not correct, she isn't a proper Christian, I'm not surprised, she deserved this'

"You should have aborted the pregnancy, if you knew this was going to happen"

"You didn't pray enough during your pregnancy, you should do that for the next one"

The reactions I get when I recommend my doctor who delivered Giovanni to others, as if he was the cause... lol

"Oh we didn't invite you because we thought you would be too busy with Gio, so we didn't want to disturb you"

"You look like you sleep too much and pray very little, that's why the devil keeps attacking you"

Oh there are many more, I just can't remember them all. But I think these few examples will do. Some of the comments made me laugh, some made me confused and some got me upset but all in all they gave me a much thicker skin. I blocked out the noise and concentrated on the good vibes. Only good vibes and I am ZEN.

Well like it or not, we are here to stay and regardless of the things people may say this is my son, this is ME and this is our story... 

Diagnosed with microcephaly, cerebral palsy, epilepsy and other associated conditions at 6 months old, Giovanni is 2 years and 1 month old now; he can't walk, he is non-verbal, he can't sit, can't roll, can't put his hands together BUT he smiles, he hits me to get my attention, he pushes me sometimes, recognises his dad and gets all excited when he sees him, he gives the warmest hugs, he has the dreamiest eyes and you really see the love in them. Just by looking at him you can tell whether he is happy, comfortable, irritated or sad. When you look deep into his eyes, you see his soul and it’s so pure and innocent that it grips your heart as you look and you fall in love with this little fella over and over again.

Giovanni knows he is loved regardless of the things he can or cannot do...YET. 

People talk about milestones, I say God's time is truly the best...

Your disability should never be seen as a limitation to your life or the things you can do. It should rather challenge you to bigger better things, just in a different way. And that is what I teach Giovanni, his cousins and other children around us. People want to feel sorry for us and automatically put limits on not only Giovanni but me also. I say be happy for us and pray for good health for us, that's all. They say, " It must be hard for you", I say "everyone has a challenge that God throws at you and this right here is mine...someone out there has a much bigger challenge than I do so I won't even grumble about it". We are blessed! No pity parties here, just a whole lot of love, support and ZEN.

I think people have a stereotypical fallacy of a special needs mama being some type of squishy squashy teddy bear and unfortunately this stereotype is so mythical and non-existent. I am far from perfect and sofffffftttt (even writing the word is difficult), in fact I'm more human than you think. I still have my likes and dislikes, and those haven’t changed much since I had Giovanni. I think people automatically thought a special needs mama would be soft, sweet and all the nice things you can think of; people expected me to some what change and be softer and have more self-pity and stay in my corner and possibly be over humble. Ahahahahaha Joke of the century, I tell you! I'll tell you one thing it did for sure, it turned my life, expectations and ambitions upside down but I believe for the best, I am still trying to figure myself out and what path I am meant to take but I know I will soon get answers. Being a special needs mum has definitely changed my look on life, made me a better person and made me grow but it doesn’t mean I have become this fuzzy duddy cuddly all understanding type of person that will be loved by everyone. That's highly impossible if you ask me. I have lost quite a number of friends on this journey honestly I believe for the better and I hold no grudge (I don't have the time of day for this) and I've made new ones too that I have come to understand and cherish so much more than previous friendships. And you know what? That's life and it is absolutely ok. :) I'm content and I am ZEN.

photo credit to babies by bazal

*** Picture credit to this awesome photographer in Ghana "babies by bazal" and her team for having the patience for us during the photoshoot. You can follow them on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/babiesbybazal/?hl=en