Self Liberation

***I am Not Perfect, in Fact I'm Far From It ***

Being a special needs mother has taught me a lot and I would like to encourage other mothers to keep going. It's sad to see a mother fed up, discouraged, dishevelled and drained. I always come across a few and I also get down sometimes but it never lasts long. I always want to portray positivity and good energy. 

A few tips I would like to share that I have learned and I'm still learning through this journey of being a mum to a child with special needs, and I hope it will encourage all other mothers out there who feel discouraged, worn out or neglected. 

Be at Peace With Your Situation
The first thing is to accept your child's condition. It's not easy at the beginning but with the right support, it should be ok. People think accepting the condition means you've given up on God. It simply means you are at peace with yourself and your situation and you've left it in the hands of God. I know people that don't even want to read to on their child's condition because they think it's bad luck. Or even join a support group because they feel they will be labelled. Well It's ok to be at peace with your situation.And accepting in no way means you've given up.

Look After Yourself
This is the last thing we ever think about, I try to groom myself sometimes (physically), try to keep fit by walking a lot in my office (ahaha I seriously dislike the gym so I find other ways and means). And I also try to dress up when I can. Better to be overdressed then underdressed according to one of my sisters. Trust me this isn't always the case, some way some how the laziness kicks in once in a while and I decide to curl up in bed and stay home. I even sometimes contemplate going to the shopping mall with my pyjamas. But my dearest mother is always not too far away to scold me πŸ˜‚. God bless her for being so concerned when I'm not.
  
Colour is a Beautiful Thing
Adding color to your life is the most awesome thing ever; whether its changing your hair or wearing something bright. Color has a way of brightening up your day, changing your look and most of all giving you some positive vibes. I always like to change the color of my hair, it uplifts my spirit in a way. Color is fun. I think even when I grow old, I will always love color (bright ones). No dull moment!  


Smile
This kills people all the time. With all the drama, hospital visits, and routine lifestyle you're living. When you smile, you shoot arrows at the devil. Because through it all, you smile. Always always put up a smile no matter the situation you face. No matter the difficult day you've been through, smile smile, smile away! Be as radiant as possible. Be that ray of sunshine to others. You have no idea how your smile may help someone out. Never take out your frustrations on others. The world does not evolve around you and so if you're upset about something it doesn't mean you should take it out on others.

Positive Attitude
This is definitely the most difficult for some, especially when things keep going wrong. Some mothers don't have the right support system and so get very discouraged. Your child knows when you're sad so try as much as possible to keep negative energy away from your child. It has a way of rubbing off on them.
Chillax! 
Try not to stress over the little things. I know mothers of children with special needs tend to have less patience with the rest of the world and all the patience in the world for their child. Learn to let the petty go and focus on the good side of things. All pettiness out the window.

Never Keep Things Bottled Up
We all have a way of airing our views or venting. I do it on social media, whether this sits well with other people is really not my concern. So far as it's not harming anyone. It's healthy to vent and it's healthy to talk to someone about what you are going through. I have found knit support groups very beneficial. Of course I belong to support groups of about 70+ parents, but I cherish the smaller groups the most. With the bigger groups, I tend to be the shoulder to lean on but with the small groups I get the chance to also vent or cry on someone who understands and it does me a whole lot of good. Keeping things inside you only builds up bitterness and resentfulness, it's important to release this negative energy and and fill it with only positive vibes.These negative feelings sadly take a lot of time and energy, so it's improtant to release.

Dance!
oooooooo what dancing can do to you? lol It's not only a good exercise that burns the calories but dancing reduces stress. Any chance I get I dance: whether it's in my room, at a wedding, or birthday party, when cooking. When I hear some good music, I just get up and dance, I don't wait for the dance floor to be filled. No time wasting.  


Do Your Homework
At a certain point I started relaxing a bit too much. But research is everything! As a parent you need to read wide about your child's conditions. There is always some breakthrough, new discovery or new therapy out there and reading will keep you up to date. I order used books from Amazon for example (used books are usually much cheaper than brand new books). I also just do a lot of online research to keep abreast with modified definitions etc. All this will help understand your child's condition and know how to make him/her as comfortable as possible. 

Surround Yourself with Positive People  
Positive people will naturally give positive vibes. It's not good to stay at one place. We are all moving on up in life. So it's important to have friends that encourage and inspire you to do more with yourself. There are good friends and there are the ones who discourage you in every step you take. There are also friends and loved ones who will bring you down. You need to let go of those people and pray for them, and do you.

Learn Something New
I always encourage especially women to soar higher. Always be ready to learn something. Take short courses, study part time if you have to. Having a child with special needs is not the ned of the world. It's only the beginning of better things to come. Learning is never ending, yet so rewarding. Our system sometimes supresses us without us even knowing it. Whether it's a baking class, counselling class, attending an inspiring seminar, taking an online course, a degree programme, short course or a PhD, I believe we should never stop learning. 


Give Without Expecting Something Back
This has been a very big lesson in life for me. You must always have a charitable heart. If you can help someone in the littlelest way, go ahead and do it: it can be through advice, chatting on the phone, donation in cash or kind. But when you do this, NEVER expect anything back. You might not even get a thank you, but what should that matter? All that matters is, you helped when you could and that's a good enough reward for you; the joy and deep sense of fulfillment in just giving a helping hand. Forget about thank yous, forget about people returning the favour because most likely they wouldn't. And the last thing you should do is be offended by it.


Note to self: I'm not perfect, in fact I'm far from it. But I promise to keep myself healthy and promise to stay positive minded and keep encouraging other mothers who need it. The world does not evolve around me and I refuse to allow anyone dampen my positive spirit including doctors, gossips, and people who carry negative energy. 

January is already over, wishing you a great start to 2018!


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